Dream girl summer
by NihilisticAmbition313
Summary: Melanie returns from boarding school for the summer and Freddie finally realizes she does exist. He also realizes he's in love with her, but there are two other girls who may not be so supportive of Meddie for their own reasons.
1. Prologue

**Dream girl summer  
**

**by NihilisticAmbition313**

**Disclaimer: No iCarly ownership here**

**...**

**Prologue**

**Freddie**

"Another day, another dollar." I sighed as I fiddled with my keys to me and my mom's apartment.

I'd just gotten off of work at the Burger Zone down the street from Bushwell Plaza. I applied for a job there over summer vacation because I needed more money and Mom wasn't budging on an allowance increase.

It was around five o'clock when I got home, and even though it was relatively early in the day, I was beat. It was hot as hell outside, and even hotter in that fast food joint. The heat wore on me, and at some points it made me want to pull a Gibby and take my shirt off. Thank goodness I had a car with air conditioning to drive home in.

Just as I unlocked and opened the door to my home, I heard a rather chipper voice call out to me.

"Hey Freddie!"

I turned to the source of the voice and saw Sam, wearing a yellow summer dress and flat white sandals, smiling at me. She came over to me and gave me a...hug?

"Long time no see!" she exclaimed

"Uh, I just saw you at my job Sam, remember? You were demanding I give you free food."

"Ugh, not _that_ silly nonsense again. How many times do I have to tell you? I'm Melanie, not Sam."

"Oh my God. Don't tell me you've run out of tricks, _Sam_. You're repeating yourself you know. I already know there is no Melanie, you even _admitted_ it."

"Huh?"

"You admitted Melanie wasn't real, so why the hell would you try this same trick again? It makes no sense."

"You mean Sam admitted she was trying to trick you?"

"Yeah, _you_ admitted you were trying to trick me."

"I see...I guess you're just going to have to see the truth with your own eyes."

Sam pulled out a...pink(?) PearPhone from her purse(?) and filtered through some menus. She then put the screen square in my face.

"Holy shit."

"Hee-hee. Proof positive, Freddie."

On the screen was a photo of two Sams, one looking none too pleased to be standing next to the other, who was all smiles. The happy Sam had her arm around the sourpuss Sam's shoulder.

"No way...""

"Yes way."

"...No, this picture is totally fake. Nice try Sam."

"It is not."

"Please. You just took your head and pasted it onto somebody else's body."

"Okay, that's not good enough for you...Call Sam then."

"Huh?"

"Call her."

"Why? You're standing-"

"Just do it."

"Tch, okay."

I fished my own PearPhone out of my pocket, having grown more than a little tired of Sam's nonsense. I hit the speed dial for Sam's number and waited for a response.

"...Fredlumps? Speak fast, Momma's busy." a familiar voice answered

"Ha. I know this is just a recording so-"

"The fuck are you talking about?" the voice cut in

"...Hello?"

"Hello? Freddie, quit fucking playing on my phone."

"Y-You mean, you're really _there_?"

"Yeah I'm really here, ass. The hell do you want?"

"...Sam, repeat after me."

"God, I don't have time for this man! I'm at work!"

"Sorry!"

I turned my phone off and looked Melanie right in the eye. She was smiling as though she was happy to have finally proven her own existence.

"You're...You're _real_."

"As real as real gets." Melanie said, all smiles

She's real...Melanie is real after all...

"Oh my God...Shit, I was such a jerk toward you! I-I thought you were Sam trying to trick me again and-"

"Freddie, it's okay. I'm not mad. What's important is that you know the truth now. I'm real...and I still like you."

Melanie leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. Knowing once and for all that she was real and she was no lie, I happily kissed her back...


	2. Melanie, in the raw flesh

**Dream girl summer**

**by NihilisticAmbition313**

**Disclaimer: be for suckas**

**...**

**One-"Melanie, in the raw flesh"**

**Freddie**

Melanie and I separated from our lengthy kiss. My heart was beating a million miles per hour, but I wanted nothing more than to do it all over again.

"You're good when you actually do it back." Melanie complimented me

"Thanks." I squeaked

"Freddie, don't be so nervous. Why don't we go in and sit?"

Did she just invite herself into my house? Who the hell am I to argue?

I opened the door and let in Melanie (God I love saying that name knowing it's tied to a real girl). She sauntered over to the couch in a way that made me keep my eyes squarely on her round ass. She knew what she was doing, and I was playing right along. Melanie sat and slowly, oh so _slowly_ crossed one silky smooth leg over the other...

"Come sit with me Freddie."

Like a dog being commanded by it's master, I practically leapt to the couch and sat next to Melanie.

"Heh...That's, um, that's a cute dress."

Cute dress? Seriously, Fredward? This girl is practically seducing you and you compliment her _dress_?

"Thank you...I was thinking of _you_ when I bought it."

"Really?" I squeaked, my voice returning to the pitch it was before it broke

"Ha ha ha. Freddie, you're so uptight. You need to learn how to relax around girls."

"I-I _do_ know how to relax around girls, well maybe not Sam because I always have to be on guard around her, but Carly yeah."

Dammit Fredward, you're blabbering! Shut the fuck up!

"Hee-hee. That mean old sister of mine."

"I don't get it. How could _you_ be sisters with _Sam_? It makes no sense."

"Maybe not on the surface, but the truth is we're not as different as you think. She'd never admit it though."

"I'll bet."

Melanie subtly scooted closer toward me and gently tapped my leg with her toes.

"I didn't know you had a job." she said, obviously referring to my Burger Zone uniform

"Y-Yeah, ha ha. Nothing major, just Burger Zone."

"As long as it pays the bills."

"I guess."

"...I'm not interested in having a summer job. I work so hard during the school year, I want to enjoy _every minute_ of summer vacation."

"Good thing it just started. You got plenty of time."

"I know..."

Melanie slid her foot out of its sandal and slipped her toes up my pant leg. I felt my heart skip hopscotch as she slowly rubbed her toes up and down my calf.

"You think you could help me have fun this summer?"

"U-Uh...Yeah, we could hang out I guess, I mean when I don't have to work or-"

I was silenced by Melanie's lips pressing up against mine.

Who was this girl and what had she done with sweet, innocent, pure Melanie? _This_ girl was practically begging me to make love to her.

I pulled away from Melanie (as much as I didn't want to) and caught my breath.

"Melanie, what's gotten into you? This isn't like you."

"How do _you_ know what I'm like? Five minutes ago you didn't think I was real."

"Yeah but-"

"Freddie, I'm a girl. You're a boy. I want you, and I know you want me. Fuck the questions and let's get busy."

"Wait, we can't! Y-You're Sam's sister! She'd kill me and bury me in a landfill!"

"Dammit, Freddie! I go to boarding school all semester and the best I get is my twelve inch rubber friend! If you're gonna be such a sissy fag then never mind!"

"Did you just call me a sissy fag?"

"Yeah, _fag_. What are you gonna do about it?"

"This!"

I grabbed Melanie by the nape of her neck and pulled her into a kiss. I voraciously devoured her strawberry-flavored lips while savoring her minty-tasting breath, lapping up her saliva like it was the nectar of the gods. She was just as into it as I was, pausing to bite my bottom lip and lick my upper.

I wish to God that I would have just believed Melanie was real the first time around. I could have hit her plump, round ass a _few_ times by now...

"Freddie, oh...Yes..." Melanie moaned

"Shhh."

This was heaven. That bullshit kiss I had with Sam? It was like kissing a toad compared to _this_. This was the real deal, and I wanted to take it up a notch. I needed to seal the deal, but it dawned on me that I didn't have any condoms...because I was a virgin...who had no idea what he was doing...

That thought alone pretty much sent my boner to hell and marked the return of Freddie the Nub. I pulled away from Melanie and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Freddie? What's wrong? Why'd you stop?"

"Because...Melanie, we were about to...and I...I've never really, um...y'know."

I was such a lamer. I couldn't even say it. I've never...

"...Never gone all the way?"

"Yeah." I mumbled

"...Since we're confessing...I've never gone all the way either." Melanie admitted

"Really?"

"Nope."

Huh? This girl was seducing me like a pro and she never fucked?

"But, it seemed like you knew what you were doing."

"...Guess I'm a natural." she weakly chuckled

"Oh...So we're both..."

"Virgins, Freddie. It's not a dirty word."

"Says the woman who was ready to sign the contract."

"Yeah, well..."

Melanie put her naked foot back in its sandal and heaved a sigh.

"...Sorry I forced myself on you like that."

"What? No, it wasn't like that. I was into it too."

"...It was a nice experience though."

"Oh yeah. _Noooo_ argument from me there."

"...Who knows? Maybe we can sign the contract, as you put it, later."

"Maybe...But maybe we should go on a date first. I mean, I don't even _know_ you Melanie. I'd like to though."

"I'd like to get to know you too Freddie, besides what Sam tells me. Hee-hee."

"Oh God." I groaned

"Don't worry, she didn't tell me anything _too_ embarrassing about you."

"I wonder..."

I looked into Melanie's eyes. Her eyes were physically identical to Sam's, but they were different. Melanie's eyes shined, they sparkled. I found myself getting lost in them, and I didn't want to find my way out.

This is going to be a very interesting summer...


	3. Sweet predator

**Dream girl summer**

**by NihilisticAmbition313**

**Disclaimer: Dennis Blunden stole my pizza!**

**...**

**Two-"Sweet predator"**

**Melanie**

Did I just do what I did? Did I just totally, brazenly seduce Freddie? Was I really about to take him for the ride of his life?

You're damn right I was. It wasn't by chance that I caught him outside his apartment. Carly, being the ever so helpful soul she is, tipped me off to when he would be home from work, and I waited patiently for him at her place right until it was time to pounce.

Ever since I met Freddie I haven't been able to take my mind off of him. I think about him all day and all night (especially when I would pleasure myself). I don't know why, but he drives me crazy. I want him so badly, and if he hadn't pulled back I would have given myself to him completely. I didn't care that I'd never done "it" before, I just wanted Freddie.

I just couldn't understand why my sister hated him and why Carly didn't want him, but then again, their stupidity left him wide open for me and only me. Who the hell needs competition anyway?

"So, when do you want that first real date?" I asked

"Oh...I don't have to work tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's good."

"Tomorrow it is then."

"Cool...I guess I should get going." I said,

"Yeah, um...I need to wash up. I reek of grease."

"Ha...I'll be over at Carly's."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"See you around."

I stood and let myself out of Freddie's apartment. I sighed, crossed the hallway to Carly's and let myself in (just like my rude twin would do).

"Mel? You're back early." Carly said as though I was supposed to be across the hall getting it on with Freddie

"Yeah. Didn't go according to plan."

"What happened?"

"He pussed out." I said rather bitterly

I didn't like saying that Freddie pussed out, and I appreciated the idea that he didn't want to go without his rubber coat, but something just told me in the end he pussed out.

I won't be daunted though. Even if I have to buy some rubbers myself, I'm going to get Freddie on top of me before this summer's over and I have to go back to that godforsaken boarding school.

"I thought he might back out. He's too much of a gentleman." Carly said

Carly is all for me and Freddie getting together, although I suspect it's only so that he would stop begging _her_ to be with him. That aspect doesn't bother me though.

"Maybe..."

"Don't sweat it Mel. You got the whole summer to get him."

"That's the thing though. I want to _be_ with him this summer, not _chase_ him."

"He'll come around, don't worry."

**Freddie**

Fresh from the shower I sat at my desk in my room, replaying the most exciting moment in my young life over and over in my mind. Making out with Melanie was absolutely...Shit, I can't even think of a word to describe it. It was nothing like when I kissed Sam. Sam and I only kissed to get our respective first kisses out of the way. It was total bullshit and we both knew it...Well, at least _I _knew it.

Kissing Melanie on the other hand was mind-blowing. I swear, if only I had some condoms...

"Hello, Fredward."

I hadn't heard my mother come into the apartment, fresh from her job as a nurse.

"Oh, hey Mom."

Good thing Melanie and I didn't get busy, because we would have been busted. My mom's not opposed to me having a girlfriend, but me having sex is a whole other animal.

"It's so unbearably hot. I hope you didn't suffer too much at work, sweetums." Mom said

"I survived. Mind over matter." I chuckled

"My little tough guy."

"Heh. If you can put up with whiny patients, I can put up with a little heat."

Mom gave me a warm chuckle and proceeded to the living room.

I turned my attention to my computer screen, where a picture of the iCarly trio served as my desktop background. It was one of the few pictures that I had with Sam smiling. Looking at the picture made me think of Melanie.

Looking back, I should have realized that Sam wouldn't have went to that much trouble to make a fool of me. Besides the fact that she hates me, she wouldn't have cared about tricking me enough to do everything that Melanie did to get me to like her.

Notice how I'm still kicking myself for being such a paranoid jackass.

It's all good though. Now that I know she's real, I have a second chance.


	4. Kiss off

**Dream girl summer**

**by NihilisticAmbition313**

**Disclaimer:...blah**

**...**

**Three- "Kiss off"**

**Sam**

I was not in a good mood...at...all.

I had to work today, on the hottest day of the year no less. That hell hole retail store where I work for a slave driver, with the stupidest people on Earth, and around the most annoying customers didn't even have air conditioning. Plus the fact that Princess Melanie was back in town didn't help my mood.

I was in need of ham. There was ham at Carly's. I proceeded to Carly's

I barged into the Shay apartment and was disgusted to see my sister sitting on the couch chatting it up with my best friend.

"Of course _you_ have to be here." I mumbled as I proceeded to the refrigerator

"And good evening to you too dear sister." Melanie replied in that sickeningly sweet tone of hers

"Ugh."

Don't get me wrong people. I don't hate Melanie, but she makes me sick. She's always been Little Miss Perfect. The one who everybody likes and the one who gets perfect grades. Me, I've always been Melanie's inferior clone, and not just to my mother, but to everybody. Even Carly thinks I'm inferior to Melanie. She never _said_ it, but I know she thinks it.

"Ham's in the fridge." said Carly

"I know." I grumbled

**Carly**

"Rough day at the office?" I asked as Sam brought back a plate of ham to the couch

"Oh, if you consider a manager who rides you every second of the day and a bunch of stupid customers who need help finding _everything _a rough day, then I guess it was." Sam growled as she gnawed on her favorite treat

"Aww, my poor little working girl."

"Hmph. I only got that stupid job to pay you and Freddie back. Once I do, I'm out."

"You should keep it Sam." Melanie said

"Who the hell asked you?"

"No one."

"Then keep your comments to yourself."

"Sam, must you be so mean to Melanie?"

"Must she be such a nub? I swear Melanie, you and Freddie should be brother and sister...Where is the other nub anyway?"

"At home." I answered

Probably doing boy things that involve lubricant after his close encounter with Melanie...

"Good. Last thing I wanna see is his face...I can't believe you actually liked him Mel. You're not gonna try to get with him again are you?"

Melanie and I exchanged devilish grins...

"Oh, don't tell me you still have it for Fredweird." Sam said with just a touch of grossed-outness in her voice

Is grossed-outness a word?

"I do. And yes, I am going to get with him."

Notice how Melanie said 'I _am_'.

"Hmph. Then you two can get married and have a bunch of baby nubs."

"Freddie's a good guy Sam, and I don't get why you hate him."

"I do. I hate nubs, and he is the grand poobah of nubs."

"Oh, like you're so cool. Look at you, stuffing your face with ham. What guy would want _that_. It's a wonder Freddie actually kissed you."

The piece of ham that Sam was gnawing on fell out of her mouth as her jaw dropped. I became very nervous, not for fear of what Sam would do to Melanie, but what she would do to _me_...

"Who told you we kissed?" Sam growled

"Carly."

I shrank into the couch as Sam gave me a death glare like no other.

"You...told..._her_?"

"I'm sorry, it just slipped!" I squeaked

"I don't believe you! That was just me, you, and Freddie's business!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Not cool, Carlotta!"

Sam sat the ham on the coffee table and stormed out of my apartment.

She called me Carlotta. The only times Sam calls me by my full name is when she's _really_ mad at me.

I decided not to go after her. She wasn't very happy with me and trying to talk to her would just pee her off even more...

**Sam**

I made a beeline out of Carly's place to the elevator.

I don't believe her! Carly swore she wouldn't speak of it, and she told _Melanie_! Melanie was the _last_ person I wanted to know about me and Freddie's kiss!

"Hey Sam." I heard a nubbish voice call out from down the hall

I turned around and saw the prince of dorks standing there.

"Not now, Fredweird."

"I just wanted to tell you something." he said as he got closer

"What, dork?"

"Um...I know Melanie is real now, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not believing you."

"Whatever." I huffed as I waited for the stupid elevator to come

"Um...I was wondering if you would kill me if I started seeing her."

"Tch. Why should _I_ care? You already dated her."

"No, uh...I meant, _seeing_ her. Like, hooking up."

I looked at Freddie with what must have been the most dumbfounded look ever.

"...You wanna fuck her?"

"Oh yeah...Kinda, uh, almost did earlier."

"What! You and Melanie almost fmmfl!"

Freddie hurriedly covered my mouth before I could get out the f-bomb.

"Geez, I only want all of Seattle to know!" Freddie sarcastically barked as he uncovered my mouth

"Sorry...You and Mel almost...did it?"

"Yeah. Would've, if not or my lack of condoms...and experience." Freddie muttered, looking down in shame

"Dude, don't sweat it. Mel's a virg too."

"She told me."

The elevator came, but I wanted to school Freddie about something, something I never thought I'd talk about with him.

"Lemme tell you something, Fredtoad. The first time...it's overrated."

The boy's eyes got as big as saucers.

"You would _know_?"

"Yeah..."

Yes, I, Sam Puckett, was admitting to my best friend/worst enemy that I was not a virgin.


End file.
